Today is My 50th Birthday!!!

First, I want to make it clear how astonished I am that I am 50 today!  I've been saying it since January because the year is how I figure out my age!  I don't know how it happened!

Second, I would like to invite all to join in fasting and praying.  I decided to blog on this subject to help me organize my thoughts and be more effective with my prayers.  My hope also is that many will be affected and be able to focus and pray (and fast) to invite blessings from Heaven.

Where to begin?  I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  It is our custom to reserve one Sunday a month for fasting and praying and meet for a testimony meeting.  I love this gift we give ourselves.  I have trouble with low blood sugar issues quite often and fasting isn't an automatic thing for me.  Our counsel on fasting is that little children, nursing mothers and the ill shouldn't be compelled to fast.  For, me I found other ways to add a measure of fasting without going without food and water for the 24 hours, for many years.  More recently, my desires to truly fast has resulted in my praying and fasting until my fasting is complete.  What that means is that I take into consideration my physical and spiritual needs and consult with Heavenly Father about how long and in what manner I can fast.  Some fasts have lasted nearly a week without anyone noticing.  We are counseled to add  water if a fast lasts longer than 48 hours.  Due to medication that I am on and need, I continue to drink now. 

As I heard some far-reaching, destructive, crushing news this week, I felt strongly impressed that I wanted to fast for two days.  This need weighs heavily on my heart and the consequences are so far reaching.  I know Heavenly Father is just waiting for us to ask for Him to send the needed blessings and healing for all.  If we just were kinder to one another.....  If we refrained from condemning one another.....  If we did as President Uchtdorf told us, and just stopped the gossip, the contention, the lies...  The Merciful Obtain Mercy  ..... first, we'd be happier!  We'd be able to be the change and spread light.

My list is long of other things, too.  I don't think I've talked to a single person lately that doesn't have a struggle and many are life-threatening, if not life-altering.  I don't want this Blog to be about the laundry list, but what I am learning and what is being impressed upon my mind.

With my friend Asha, we decided to have a scripture study time with one another.  We've been planning this forever and it just never has happened, but this week, we snagged a few precious moments.  She was given a folder with lots of worksheets helping one learn what the Bible teaches about Faith.  The first packet was on God.  I love what it said.  Genesis 1:1 doesn't try to prove or argue there is a God, it simply state:  "In the beginning God created‍ the heaven‍ and the earth."  https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/gen/1?lang=eng# 

Asha and I didn't have time to finish that packet and I suggested we use the days until we can get together to explore other verses to find out what the scriptures teach about God.  Using the Bible dictionary and the Topical Guide has been fun to bring to remembrance and deepen my understanding.  : )

As I looked at the multitudenous options for God in the topical guide, I was drawn to the topic of God's will.  Many great scriptures, but again that jumped out to me was Acts 22:14 " And he said, The God of our fathers hath chosen thee, that thou shouldest know his will, and see that Just One, and shouldest hear the voice of his mouth.".  Do you know what is in this chapter?  This is chapter where Paul tells the horrific things he has done to those of the early Church.  I wondered if I'd been in that day, how would I have recieved Paul?  As he said,  22:4 "And I persecuted this way unto the death, binding and delivering into prisons both men and women."  Acts 22  I remember finding so much wisdom and knowledge through Paul's writings as a youth that I wanted to name a child Paul or Paula.  We recognize the awesomeness of Paul, but what did those he'd persecuted think?  Did they struggle to forgive him?  Did some miss out on the blessings of the Gospel because they couldn't forgive/allow the eternal Atonement to cover; because they couldn't see the true person through Heavenly Father's eyes; because they couldn't separate what he had done from what he would do when he accepted the Atonement?

We look at Paul and don't hold his sins against him.  We might not even see his weaknesses from this distance.  Look around us now.  Who might we need to forgive and, indeed, forget?  What might we be rationalizing or justifying, but is actually gossip, vindictiveness, contention, unforgiveness, hard-heartedness.....  The list is long.  I am asked if I truly love people in my ward (church congregation).  I do and it hurts me when people are less than forgiving of others weaknesses, their mistakes, their sins!  I am sorry bad things happen!  I hate when I hurt someone!  It happens and we need to just get past it.  None of the sins that are separating us are anything like Paul's.  Fully partake of the Atonement for your personal sins and also for every hurt done to you or anyone else that you love!

 Is it easy? Is is easy to allow the Atonment of our Savior Jesus Christ to fully cover every sin and hurt?  Often it is a struggle that I've found better accomplished in layers and over time as I realize that I am still hanging on to that hurt.  http://youtu.be/w5GXnM_TxSQ   This link is for a Bible video where the Savior is teaching forgiveness.  The video illustrates this scripture John Chapter 8  As Jesus draws, each of the accusers are convicted by their own consciences and leave...  "10 When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?

11 She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more." 

 

If we are truly trying to be like Jesus - to follow his example, how can we do any less than to forgive?  Because we can't see the heart, we are commanded to be forgiving of all.  Doctrine and Covenants 64:10 "I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men."  Doctrine and Covenants 64  The blessings of forgiving and consequences of not forgiving are very evident:
The Saints are to forgive their enemies, who, if they repent, will also escape the Lord’s vengeance.
I would offer counsel, too, to those that are being harshly judged and having to bear horrible burdens.  The Lord loves you!  He is mindful of you and will help you let go of the hurt and even be able to love those that are hurting you.  Doctrine and Covenants 31: 9 "Be patient in afflictions, revile not against those that revile. Govern your house in meekness, and be steadfast."  Doctrine and Covenants 31  I always get a picture of Joseph Smith in my mind when the Lord is counseling him to bear the injustices well. Doctrine and Covenants 54: 10 "And again, be patient in tribulation until I come; and, behold, I come quickly, and my reward is with me, and they who have sought me early shall find rest to their souls. Even so. Amen."  https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/54.10?lang=eng#9  (This is the link to Doctrine and Covenants 54.) 

 

 

The Guide to the Scriptures: Atone, Atonement

I finished my study of gospel principles and went on to reread a book that helped me reach a richer level of faith with my prayers.  Life has been quite busy, but one question that keeps crossing my path concerns apathy.  I remember learning this word as a teen and thinking it was like a disease....  I was determined to avoid this condition...  Apathy has finally caught up with me, though I am not willing to go down without a fight...  However, I am not sure I have a battle plan or even see where the battle is being fought....  I want to explore some of my observations and see what I can learn.

As a mother and a wife, I've heard, "I don't care," too often.  My reply is always that I do care.  I've watched  those suffering with serious health issues be unwilling to do simple things to improve their health.  Why don't  they care?  I know I've seen those that want to hang onto their anger.  They don't want to let go of the anger, even though they know it is hurting themselves and those that they love.  Lifestyle choices from nutrition to addiction to physical fitness all bring about benefits from even small changes.

What is going on with our inability to care about choosing a positive action.  In my primary class, we say CTR (choose the right).  As I pondered this apathy, it brought to mind a principle I was taught as a youth about putting off the natural man.  Could this apathy be a need to put off the natural man?  I am certain.

My Lack of Self-Esteem Anxiety = False Pride

     I have continued to study the Gospel Principles manual, but been too busy to blog.  As I sit here this morning, I have decided to sum up some of the insights that I've had this week and not go back and go through those lessons.  I am so grateful for the way the Holy Ghost has gentle taught me some very needed lessons and then used me in other people's lives.  God is good!!  :-)

     My walking buddies have bailed on me this week (for very good reasons), but that means I have had lots of walking time to think....  It is interesting that this week, I felt some anxiety about something that isn't going to happen...  As I asked myself why I was feeling like this, my answer was a lack of feeling worthy.  Aren't feelings complicated?  My brain knows that I am.  I do err, but am diligent to repeat and partake of the Atonement as soon as I see the transgression.  My feelings are still my responsibility, but harder to control and more complicated than thoughts....

     Recognizing that I had the anxiety was the first part of the lesson....  I talked with a friend about feeling this anxiety...  I called it fear and she said God didn't work through fear.  As I considered her insight, I realized she was right...  The fear was anxiety and was my reaction to a thought.  The feeling of being unworthy was not based in fact - was indeed a temptation.  Eventually, the Holy Ghost whispered, ever so gently to me, that my feeling unworthy was actually pride --- a false pride.  I know I am wonderfully made.  I am a daughter of a heavenly Father that loves me dearly....  My accepting this wrong and negative view of myself is wrong.

     Understanding that even this thought is not from God and is keeping me from being the best me I can be.  In as much as I was hampered by this false perception, I was not able to be as effective a took in Heavenly Father's hands.  It has made a huge difference for me and the anxiety is gone....  Since this is a recurring problem for me, it may or may not stay gone.  However, the wisdom that I've gained will help me recognize this sin more readily and be able to repent quickly and more fully.  :-)

Gospel Principles - Lesson 34 - Developing Our Talents

Before I even read this chapter, I am pleased to have brought to mind several ways I am developing my talents - even at my age.  I am taking piano lessons.  Finding time to practice is a huge issue, but I am progressing and that makes me feel awesome!  I went back to school and got a Master's degree and teaching credentials.  I am only working as a substitute teacher, but am sure that Heavenly Father directed me to go back to school for this purpose.  I think my willingness to follow through on this goal gave my children an example to follow.

There are other ways that I want to develop my talents.  However, making time and following through on the goals, hasn't been easy to do.  I discovered as a pre-teen that I loved making speeches.  Winning several contests confirmed that I had a talent in this area.  We enjoyed Toastmasters when we lived in Guam and Germany, but haven't followed up on joining a group here.  In church, the members are asked to give talks in our services.  We do not have paid clergy and the members are expected to share the teaching/preaching responsibilities on Sundays.  I've only been asked to give a talk three times in 20 years.  Some would wonder how to get the same privilege.  I don't want to seek to speak, either, but I do learn so much and enjoying speaking.  Over the years, I've made it a goal to just plan talks for my enjoyment....  I've yet to do this even one time...

In reading this chapter, another principle comes to mind...  By small things, great things shall be brought to pass.  I don't have time to do everything that I'd like every day. Consistently endeavoring to develop my talents, though has paid off through the years.  :-)  I love this motto from President Heber J. Grant in the middle of the lesson:  "That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do; not that the nature of the thing is changed, but that our power to do is increased."  (in Teachings of Presidents of the Church:  Heber J. Grant [200], 35)

As I read the following paragraph, I found reason to repent and promptly did.  I am very grateful for the Atonement and God's patience with us.  My mistake wasn't rebellious or prideful, but merely misguided.  Misguided or not, it did take me out of His Will.  I am a tender-hearted person and Heavenly Father knows that about me because he made me.  :-)  Even in His correction, He was gentle and loving.  For me to always be that way with everyone would be such a blessing.  Here's the paragraph:

The Lord Will Bless Us If We Use Our Talents Wisely

President Joseph F. Smith said, “Every son and every daughter of God hasreceived some talent, and each will be held to strict account for the use or misuse to which it is put” (Gospel Doctrine, 5th ed. [1939], 370). A talent is one kind of stewardship (responsibility in the kingdom of God). The parable of the talents tells us that when we serve well in our stewardship, we will be given greater responsibilities. If we do not serve well, our stewardship will eventually be taken from us. (See Matthew 25:14–30.)

I can't put into words all the understanding that I am gaining from this lesson.  It is so personal that I doubt it would make sense to anyone else.  Suffice to say that I am grateful and the lesson is written on my heart never to be forgotten.  If I can find the words, I'll record my thoughts and understanding in my journal.  I have a hardback journal in which I write (actually two for when I can't find one or want to take the smaller one with me).  I also have discovered an online free service that emails me every day to ask about my day and give me a glimpse at what I've written in the past.  If you'd like to find out more, go to https://ohlife.com/today