My Lack of Self-Esteem Anxiety = False Pride

     I have continued to study the Gospel Principles manual, but been too busy to blog.  As I sit here this morning, I have decided to sum up some of the insights that I've had this week and not go back and go through those lessons.  I am so grateful for the way the Holy Ghost has gentle taught me some very needed lessons and then used me in other people's lives.  God is good!!  :-)

     My walking buddies have bailed on me this week (for very good reasons), but that means I have had lots of walking time to think....  It is interesting that this week, I felt some anxiety about something that isn't going to happen...  As I asked myself why I was feeling like this, my answer was a lack of feeling worthy.  Aren't feelings complicated?  My brain knows that I am.  I do err, but am diligent to repeat and partake of the Atonement as soon as I see the transgression.  My feelings are still my responsibility, but harder to control and more complicated than thoughts....

     Recognizing that I had the anxiety was the first part of the lesson....  I talked with a friend about feeling this anxiety...  I called it fear and she said God didn't work through fear.  As I considered her insight, I realized she was right...  The fear was anxiety and was my reaction to a thought.  The feeling of being unworthy was not based in fact - was indeed a temptation.  Eventually, the Holy Ghost whispered, ever so gently to me, that my feeling unworthy was actually pride --- a false pride.  I know I am wonderfully made.  I am a daughter of a heavenly Father that loves me dearly....  My accepting this wrong and negative view of myself is wrong.

     Understanding that even this thought is not from God and is keeping me from being the best me I can be.  In as much as I was hampered by this false perception, I was not able to be as effective a took in Heavenly Father's hands.  It has made a huge difference for me and the anxiety is gone....  Since this is a recurring problem for me, it may or may not stay gone.  However, the wisdom that I've gained will help me recognize this sin more readily and be able to repent quickly and more fully.  :-)