I finished my study of gospel principles and went on to reread a book that helped me reach a richer level of faith with my prayers. Life has been quite busy, but one question that keeps crossing my path concerns apathy. I remember learning this word as a teen and thinking it was like a disease.... I was determined to avoid this condition... Apathy has finally caught up with me, though I am not willing to go down without a fight... However, I am not sure I have a battle plan or even see where the battle is being fought.... I want to explore some of my observations and see what I can learn.
As a mother and a wife, I've heard, "I don't care," too often. My reply is always that I do care. I've watched those suffering with serious health issues be unwilling to do simple things to improve their health. Why don't they care? I know I've seen those that want to hang onto their anger. They don't want to let go of the anger, even though they know it is hurting themselves and those that they love. Lifestyle choices from nutrition to addiction to physical fitness all bring about benefits from even small changes.
What is going on with our inability to care about choosing a positive action. In my primary class, we say CTR (choose the right). As I pondered this apathy, it brought to mind a principle I was taught as a youth about putting off the natural man. Could this apathy be a need to put off the natural man? I am certain.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
My Lack of Self-Esteem Anxiety = False Pride
I have continued to study the Gospel Principles manual, but been too busy to blog. As I sit here this morning, I have decided to sum up some of the insights that I've had this week and not go back and go through those lessons. I am so grateful for the way the Holy Ghost has gentle taught me some very needed lessons and then used me in other people's lives. God is good!! :-)
My walking buddies have bailed on me this week (for very good reasons), but that means I have had lots of walking time to think.... It is interesting that this week, I felt some anxiety about something that isn't going to happen... As I asked myself why I was feeling like this, my answer was a lack of feeling worthy. Aren't feelings complicated? My brain knows that I am. I do err, but am diligent to repeat and partake of the Atonement as soon as I see the transgression. My feelings are still my responsibility, but harder to control and more complicated than thoughts....
Recognizing that I had the anxiety was the first part of the lesson.... I talked with a friend about feeling this anxiety... I called it fear and she said God didn't work through fear. As I considered her insight, I realized she was right... The fear was anxiety and was my reaction to a thought. The feeling of being unworthy was not based in fact - was indeed a temptation. Eventually, the Holy Ghost whispered, ever so gently to me, that my feeling unworthy was actually pride --- a false pride. I know I am wonderfully made. I am a daughter of a heavenly Father that loves me dearly.... My accepting this wrong and negative view of myself is wrong.
Understanding that even this thought is not from God and is keeping me from being the best me I can be. In as much as I was hampered by this false perception, I was not able to be as effective a took in Heavenly Father's hands. It has made a huge difference for me and the anxiety is gone.... Since this is a recurring problem for me, it may or may not stay gone. However, the wisdom that I've gained will help me recognize this sin more readily and be able to repent quickly and more fully. :-)
My walking buddies have bailed on me this week (for very good reasons), but that means I have had lots of walking time to think.... It is interesting that this week, I felt some anxiety about something that isn't going to happen... As I asked myself why I was feeling like this, my answer was a lack of feeling worthy. Aren't feelings complicated? My brain knows that I am. I do err, but am diligent to repeat and partake of the Atonement as soon as I see the transgression. My feelings are still my responsibility, but harder to control and more complicated than thoughts....
Recognizing that I had the anxiety was the first part of the lesson.... I talked with a friend about feeling this anxiety... I called it fear and she said God didn't work through fear. As I considered her insight, I realized she was right... The fear was anxiety and was my reaction to a thought. The feeling of being unworthy was not based in fact - was indeed a temptation. Eventually, the Holy Ghost whispered, ever so gently to me, that my feeling unworthy was actually pride --- a false pride. I know I am wonderfully made. I am a daughter of a heavenly Father that loves me dearly.... My accepting this wrong and negative view of myself is wrong.
Understanding that even this thought is not from God and is keeping me from being the best me I can be. In as much as I was hampered by this false perception, I was not able to be as effective a took in Heavenly Father's hands. It has made a huge difference for me and the anxiety is gone.... Since this is a recurring problem for me, it may or may not stay gone. However, the wisdom that I've gained will help me recognize this sin more readily and be able to repent quickly and more fully. :-)
Friday, July 22, 2011
Gospel Principles - Lesson 34 - Developing Our Talents
Before I even read this chapter, I am pleased to have brought to mind several ways I am developing my talents - even at my age. I am taking piano lessons. Finding time to practice is a huge issue, but I am progressing and that makes me feel awesome! I went back to school and got a Master's degree and teaching credentials. I am only working as a substitute teacher, but am sure that Heavenly Father directed me to go back to school for this purpose. I think my willingness to follow through on this goal gave my children an example to follow.
There are other ways that I want to develop my talents. However, making time and following through on the goals, hasn't been easy to do. I discovered as a pre-teen that I loved making speeches. Winning several contests confirmed that I had a talent in this area. We enjoyed Toastmasters when we lived in Guam and Germany, but haven't followed up on joining a group here. In church, the members are asked to give talks in our services. We do not have paid clergy and the members are expected to share the teaching/preaching responsibilities on Sundays. I've only been asked to give a talk three times in 20 years. Some would wonder how to get the same privilege. I don't want to seek to speak, either, but I do learn so much and enjoying speaking. Over the years, I've made it a goal to just plan talks for my enjoyment.... I've yet to do this even one time...
In reading this chapter, another principle comes to mind... By small things, great things shall be brought to pass. I don't have time to do everything that I'd like every day. Consistently endeavoring to develop my talents, though has paid off through the years. :-) I love this motto from President Heber J. Grant in the middle of the lesson: "That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do; not that the nature of the thing is changed, but that our power to do is increased." (in Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Heber J. Grant [200], 35)
As I read the following paragraph, I found reason to repent and promptly did. I am very grateful for the Atonement and God's patience with us. My mistake wasn't rebellious or prideful, but merely misguided. Misguided or not, it did take me out of His Will. I am a tender-hearted person and Heavenly Father knows that about me because he made me. :-) Even in His correction, He was gentle and loving. For me to always be that way with everyone would be such a blessing. Here's the paragraph:
There are other ways that I want to develop my talents. However, making time and following through on the goals, hasn't been easy to do. I discovered as a pre-teen that I loved making speeches. Winning several contests confirmed that I had a talent in this area. We enjoyed Toastmasters when we lived in Guam and Germany, but haven't followed up on joining a group here. In church, the members are asked to give talks in our services. We do not have paid clergy and the members are expected to share the teaching/preaching responsibilities on Sundays. I've only been asked to give a talk three times in 20 years. Some would wonder how to get the same privilege. I don't want to seek to speak, either, but I do learn so much and enjoying speaking. Over the years, I've made it a goal to just plan talks for my enjoyment.... I've yet to do this even one time...
In reading this chapter, another principle comes to mind... By small things, great things shall be brought to pass. I don't have time to do everything that I'd like every day. Consistently endeavoring to develop my talents, though has paid off through the years. :-) I love this motto from President Heber J. Grant in the middle of the lesson: "That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do; not that the nature of the thing is changed, but that our power to do is increased." (in Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Heber J. Grant [200], 35)
As I read the following paragraph, I found reason to repent and promptly did. I am very grateful for the Atonement and God's patience with us. My mistake wasn't rebellious or prideful, but merely misguided. Misguided or not, it did take me out of His Will. I am a tender-hearted person and Heavenly Father knows that about me because he made me. :-) Even in His correction, He was gentle and loving. For me to always be that way with everyone would be such a blessing. Here's the paragraph:
I can't put into words all the understanding that I am gaining from this lesson. It is so personal that I doubt it would make sense to anyone else. Suffice to say that I am grateful and the lesson is written on my heart never to be forgotten. If I can find the words, I'll record my thoughts and understanding in my journal. I have a hardback journal in which I write (actually two for when I can't find one or want to take the smaller one with me). I also have discovered an online free service that emails me every day to ask about my day and give me a glimpse at what I've written in the past. If you'd like to find out more, go to https://ohlife.com/todayThe Lord Will Bless Us If We Use Our Talents Wisely
President Joseph F. Smith said, “Every son and every daughter of God hasreceived some talent, and each will be held to strict account for the use or misuse to which it is put” (Gospel Doctrine, 5th ed. [1939], 370). A talent is one kind of stewardship (responsibility in the kingdom of God). The parable of the talents tells us that when we serve well in our stewardship, we will be given greater responsibilities. If we do not serve well, our stewardship will eventually be taken from us. (See Matthew 25:14–30.)
My Study Time Impressions
I have been feeling like I need to use this blog in a better way.... I was kind of unclear what I wanted to accomplish with it when I began writing... I am still not sure, but have been feeling it is a tool that will serve me well, if I use it.... I am not sure if anyone will read it or find it helpful, but I do pray that God will use my writing to help me learn and to teach and uplift others.
I know that there have been times when I have tried sharing and the response was so confrontational that I wondered if I had achieved the meek or the mild... I am not sure I am responsible for the reaction to my attempt at sharing. I am responsible for my own efforts and interactions.
In seeking understanding with another's overwhelming challenges, I was repeatedly drawn to my patriarchal blessing. (Note: Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints can request a patriarchal blessing from the stake patriarch - a man called and set apart to serve in this capacity. The blessing is recorded and the person is given a copy to keep. The blessing is considered personal scripture for the person.) Eventually, one sentence stood out for the very first time.... I was promised understanding as I listened to the prophets and studied the basic principles of the gospel. My first thought was that I was already teaching 5-year olds the basics and you couldn't get more basic than that.... I immediately remembered when I joined the Church, I had been given the Gospel Principles manual and did not realize it was a Sunday School manual... I read it from cover to cover in a couple of weeks and was like a sponge. :-) I determined that I would do this again. From the very first day's study, the revelation has flowed on so many subjects that I've sought Heaven's help to understand and to know what I was to do.
Rather than go back and re-cap what I've learned thus far, I want to start today as a way to increase my understanding of these principles and open my heart to greater revelation and understanding. It is interesting that today's chapter is Chapter 33, Missionary Work... (https://lds.org/manual/gospel-principles/chapter-33-missionary-work?lang=eng ) I was just talking yesterday about wishing a Mormon friend had not taken my less than enthusiastic response as a "No." I wasn't turning them down, only qualifiying that we might not believe as they do.... In sharing the gospel, each of us will have different insights and understanding. We can meet on our common ground and enrich and uplift one another. I wondered yesterday if I was doing all I could do to share the gospel light that I have. I never want to be guilty of hiding my light. Matthew 5:14-16 I don't want to do a disservice to my friends and family or even anyone who shall cross my path. I want them to have every opportunity to accept the fullness of the gospel and come unto our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
This scripture stood out for me from the lesson manual: Doctrine and Convenants 38 (https://lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/38.41?lang=eng#40)
40And again, I say unto you, I give unto you a commandment,that every man, both elder, priest, teacher, and also member, go towith his might, with the alabor of his bhands, to prepare andaccomplish the things which I have commanded. 41And let your apreaching be the bwarning voice, every man tohis neighbor, in mildness and in cmeekness.
I know that there have been times when I have tried sharing and the response was so confrontational that I wondered if I had achieved the meek or the mild... I am not sure I am responsible for the reaction to my attempt at sharing. I am responsible for my own efforts and interactions.
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